Lonely, but never alone

I heard that once you become a mother,
"You will often feel lonely, but never again be truly alone."
Now with over two years experience with parenting,
I can relate to that sentiment in some ways.
Back in my single days,
I would spend hours in my bedroom just by myself.
I built a little quiet sanctuary there.
My bedroom had bright orange walls,
Wooden book shelves and painted mirrors.
Funny little decoupage stars hung from the ceiling.
It was "me."
I knew myself and how I was feeling very clearly.
I had plenty of time to explore it in that room.
My husband was commenting on how much he loved my old bedroom,
"Because it was so You." he said.
There is no room in our new house like that.
I don't really need a place for me in my house,
But I long for a place for me in my life.
It is difficult because I don't want less time with my husband,
I definitely don't want less time with my son.
If I spent any less time with friends, they would forget me.
Somehow I need to make an inner place for me...
A place in my heart to hang my silly stars.

That Dream I Had

That dream I had... I can't get it out of my head.
It's memory makesme toss my hair,
sigh,
grin like a fool.

A friend once advised me, "You can't help the things you dream. They're just meaningless thoughts that pop into our head while we're sleeping. You shouldn't feel sorry, or embarrased or anything really..." He made me feel silly for being affected so strongly.

I don't agree with him,
I believe that dreams can have meaning.
It's my window into repressed feelings,
My desperate attempt to resolve the irresolvable.
I've had dreams come true.
Dreams have opened my eyes to true intentions or hidden agendas.

They aren't always realistic;
My dreams are more like wonderland than real world.
Even so, the feeling I have in my heart upon waking....
That is what sticks with me.
The mortifying fear of failure,
hopelessness,
remorse.

Then there are those great dreams that leave me flushed and smiling.
Like a first kiss, you don't want to end,
and it lingers in your mind for days to come.

I can't get that dream out of my head,
or maybe I don't want to.