Insanity

I need to have little pieces of insanity in my life. It helps me feel alive. At times I am pretty quirky or eccentric or maybe just strange. It's that craziness that keeps me going. Those moments of insanity keep me smiling and laughing. I think in some ways everyone needs a few moments to be illogical or crazy. For my husband, these moments are categorized as "guy time." My craziness is not as defined; it is integrated into my everyday life. Painting to me is a small form of insanity. I make small impressionistic dashes with my brush and hope it forms a beautiful picture. Sometimes I like to act like a 5-year-old. I remember one hot summer day, my girlfriend and I wanted it to rain. We stuck a sprinkler in the tree, took off our shoes and performed a rain dance until every inch of our clothes were soaking wet. We were way to old to be behaving like that; it was great.
Eccentric people make me smile. Several years ago I used to take breaks with a man who worked with me at the state capital. He was at least twice my age, but every afternoon he asked me to walk outside to the fountain with him. We would stand on the veranda overlooking the fountain and he would smoke a cigar. He kept them in a little silver case in his pocket. When his cigar was done it meant it was time for us to go back to work. He told me The Graduate was the best movie of all time. He talked about chasing butterflies on the capital lawn...

Disappointment

Disappointment can crash on you like an ocean wave.
One moment you are enjoying the sun, warm breeze and beautiful view;
Suddenly your feet are lifted from the foundation,
You are over your head in chaos.
Your mind is turned a hundred ways.
Disoriented, you thrash frantically for calm waters.

Finally you gasp for breathe as your feet find their grounding again.
You are at a different place then you were before.
You might even be bruised a little.
You have faced the blunt force of disappointment.
Then you are left with a choice:
Do you step out of the water to recover,
or do you get back out there?

Misunderstood Jezebel

When I feel like dancing, I don't just move me feet.
You might stand and gawk as I go down the street.
My little black skirt is almost a crime.
When I ask for forgiveness, it takes a long time.

Misunderstood Jezebel,
That's what you might call me.
I don't always fit in.

My quick-witted tongue could make a sailor blush.
My girlfriends tell me, I like boys way too much.
I don't always sensor the things that I say.
Why should it matter, they'll judge me anyway.

Misunderstood Jezebel,
That's what you might call me.
I don't always fit in.
Misunderstood Jezebel,
Can't even pray well,
But don't say you never sin.

Farting Hound, Happy Sound

One of my favorite French films is "Un Long Dimanche de Fiancailles" A Very Long Engagement. In the movie, Mathilde's aunt always says, "Farting hound, happy sound."
As I lay on the coach, I snuggle up with my dog, Zoe. She is giving her self a thorough tongue bath. Occasionally she stops to include me in the grooming with a few cold kisses. Suddenly, Zoe stops what she is doing and I hear a "toot, toot". She immediately sticks her nose in her behind to investigate. No matter what I am doing this small act, always makes my day. I know it is juvenile, but everytime this happens my inner 10-year-old laughs hysterically.

My dog always smells her farts.

It isn't transcendental or profound, but it makes me smile.

Shall We Dance?

It's 8 o'clock.
The sun is starting to take long colorful yawns.
It's time for bed, little one.
It's time to rest your little head.
Rub your eyes,
Cuddle your head against me.
Let's take one more spin around your bedroom.
You are sitting on my hip.
I hold your tiny hand in mine.
"Shall we dance?" I ask as I spin you around the room.
I twirl you around until you giggle.
"Shall we dance on a bright cloud of music shall we fly?"
We trot from one corner to another.
You smile and laugh with each movement.
"Heaven, I'm in Heaven, and the fear I carry with me through the week,
seem to vanish like a gamblers lucky streak,
when we're out together dancing cheek to cheek."
You are the only one who claps at my singing.
Someday you will be too big to sit on my hip,
Someday I won't be the woman you want to dance with,
So tonight I'll take one more dance around your bedroom, before we say goodnight.

Second Chance?

The gray city is suddenly dotted with bright green spots;
Neon green signs declaring the beginning of Spring.
Everything seems new and beautiful,
The haziness of winter slowly drifts by and you can see the sky again.

Sometimes I wish life had more Spring.
I wish the gentle rains could wash away my past,
And I could start again new and shiny.
Unfortunately we can't shed our leaves and start over,
We carry our mistakes- if only in memory.
It is easy to say, "Forget the past."
But it is always with us:
Haunting our decisions,
Invading our arguments,
Creeping into our dreams.
Scars never fully heal.
Do you ever really get a fresh start?

Who are you?

Who are you?
Wow, you've changed.
You are the antithesis of everything you used to be.
Everything I loved about you must be hidden somewhere.
Maybe I just can't see it anymore.
Wow, you are different.
I can't even put my finger on when it happened.
Can the essence of who you are change that drastically?
Maybe, deep down, the girl I knew is still there,
trying desperately to be released from her bonds...
or maybe I never really knew you.