Friday, May 28, 2010

Things I'd love to say

It is a common joke around my friends that I say whatever is on my mind, no matter how embarrassing or ridiculous. This is not entirely true. I am much more guarded at work, then I am around my friends (for good reason). I'm learning to be guarded about what I say around my son. There are tons of things I want to say, but my better judgement holds me back. Despite what my friends say I do somewhat guard my words. I may put my foot in my mouth, but I try not to be rude. It's hard to hold back. Sometimes it builds and I have to push my lips together so the things I want to say don't slip out.

So I am releasing all these things I've held back in one strange post, to clear my jumbled head:

Please just leave me alone.

You really deserve to be with someone better.

You've gained a lot of weight, girl. Do want to borrow my exercise DVD's?

Your kids are completely out of control!

You are kind of creeping me out, dude.

This tastes disgusting!

Don't call me "sweetie or "honey" you chauvinistic prick. (accompanied by a heal grind into his instep)

At the risk of sounding corny, our relationship means a lot to me.

You should be nicer to your wife/husband.

Oh yeah! I totally beat you! I am the queen of the universe. Wooo! In your face!

Don't take this the wrong way, but you are so hot!

Sorry, I am right and you are just plain wrong.

Palease... Get off your high horse!

I love you.

Ahhh.... I feel better now! I can now go back to being polite and slightly guarded. Hopefully my moment of uncensored purging doesn't make you think less of me.

Monday, May 24, 2010


I need to have little pieces of insanity in my life. It helps me feel alive. At times I am pretty quirky or eccentric or maybe just strange. It's that craziness that keeps me going. Those moments of insanity keep me smiling and laughing. I think in some ways everyone needs a few moments to be illogical or crazy. For my husband, these moments are categorized as "guy time." My craziness is not as defined; it is integrated into my everyday life. Painting to me is a small form of insanity. I make small impressionistic dashes with my brush and hope it forms a beautiful picture. Sometimes I like to act like a 5-year-old. I remember one hot summer day, my girlfriend and I wanted it to rain. We stuck a sprinkler in the tree, took off our shoes and performed a rain dance until every inch of our clothes were soaking wet. We were way to old to be behaving like that; it was great.
Eccentric people make me smile. Several years ago I used to take breaks with a man who worked with me at the state capital. He was at least twice my age, but every afternoon he asked me to walk outside to the fountain with him. We would stand on the veranda overlooking the fountain and he would smoke a cigar. He kept them in a little silver case in his pocket. When his cigar was done it meant it was time for us to go back to work. He told me The Graduate was the best movie of all time. He talked about chasing butterflies on the capital lawn...

Friday, May 7, 2010


Disappointment can crash on you like an ocean wave.
One moment you are enjoying the sun, warm breeze and beautiful view;
Suddenly your feet are lifted from the foundation,
You are over your head in chaos.
Your mind is turned a hundred ways.
Disoriented, you thrash frantically for calm waters.

Finally you gasp for breathe as your feet find their grounding again.
You are at a different place then you were before.
You might even be bruised a little.
You have faced the blunt force of disappointment.
Then you are left with a choice:
Do you step out of the water to recover,
or do you get back out there?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Misunderstood Jezebel

When I feel like dancing, I don't just move me feet.
You might stand and gawk as I go down the street.
My little black skirt is almost a crime.
When I ask for forgiveness, it takes a long time.

Misunderstood Jezebel,
That's what you might call me.
I don't always fit in.

My quick-witted tongue could make a sailor blush.
My girlfriends tell me, I like boys way too much.
I don't always sensor the things that I say.
Why should it matter, they'll judge me anyway.

Misunderstood Jezebel,
That's what you might call me.
I don't always fit in.
Misunderstood Jezebel,
Can't even pray well,
But don't say you never sin.