Tuesday, May 29, 2012


I came across this poem which I wrote very close to my due date and thought it was worth posting now:

Waiting is hard.
Not being able to control the outcome, the timing.
To simply wait in peace...it's challenging.
I want to be able to do something to speed time along.
I'd like to just "know" what was going to happen and when.
Instead I am powerless.
It is not my nature to be passive about life.
But there is no person I can incessantly bother,
There are no tasks I can do to bring me closer.
I have to just surrender to waiting.
It's the submissiveness that really gets to me.
I must resolve to accept what comes.

- Corazon Aquino

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Little Mystery

It seems like every day you are growing up,
Every time I see you,
You look older,
Or you are doing something new.
Slowly you are unveiling the person you will become.
It's a crazy phenomenon,
As a mother, I know you like no other.
We shared my body for some time.
I share my arms, my breasts and my smiles with you.
Yet you are still a mystery to me.
I observe you carefully.
I use my best detective skills,
Trying to discover your personality.
Even so... I feel like I'm just guessing.
But I know that you are lovely.
And I don't have to wonder about this.... I love you.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Moment of Blessing

Parenting a three year old can be frustrating.
My son can be very trying, but everyday he blesses me...

Today was cold and rainy.
As my son was playing on our living room carpet,
I slipped upstairs to rock my baby daughter to sleep.
The rain made a hushing sound that seemed to sooth both of us.
As we rocked, I closed my eyes to relax.
Suddenly I heard foot step coming up the stairs.
It was the sound only a person with small legs and toddler feet could make.
My face grimaced as I thought of the disruption that would surely ensue.
My baby would start to cry all over again.

The door to the nursery opened and my son slipped in.
He carefully walked up to me and handed me the babies pacifier.
"Thank you" I whispered.
"You're welcome" he said so softly.
Then he turned around and walked out the door carefully closing the door behind him.
In that moment he seemed much older to me.
It was as if I caught a glimpse of the man my son would become...
Someone who was caring and responsible.
He somehow reminded me that he is growing up well.
I took comfort in this reminder...
This small moment of blessing.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

What I've Always Wanted

Sometimes you need to lose something to realize how important it was to you.
Sometimes you never know how badly you wanted something until you have it.
I have always been a guys-girl and so I naturally thought that raising boys was my lot in life.
When I had a son, it just felt natural. I understand boys... building blocks, dinosaurs, wrestling... those were my favorite things growing up.
Then I was laying on the ultrasound table again,
Waiting to see the shape my family would take.
When they told me "It's a girl!" a feeling rose from my heart into my throat.
The joy I felt at that moment paralyzed me. I tried so hard to say something... To react to the situation, but all I could manage was tears.
My husband asked, "Are you okay?"
But the happiness wouldn't let up. I barely managed a nod, let alone an explanation.
And so I knew her name had to be Abigail which means "Brings Joy".

Now this little woman is in my life. Her big blue eyes are mesmerizing. Her smile is contagious.
I am the privileged mother who gets to watch her grow up.
I get to guide her and love her and even fight with her, I'm sure.
I am faced with the daunting task of showing her what it means to be a strong woman:
To be a free thinker,
To stand up for yourself,
To always do good.
It is a massive responsibility, but I am ready for the challenge.
After all- this is what I always wanted- even though I just realized it.