Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Teenage Girls

I wish I could go back in time and tell my teenage-self some words of wisdom. I wish I could tell all teenage girls a thing or two. I look back at the silly things I did back then, the hours I spent and pimples I accrued stressing about boys or friendships.
I wish I could tell my teenage-self everything WILL be okay.
You WILL find a guy who loves you.
You WILL figure out a career that suites you.
Your 5’8” height won’t always bother you,
in fact you will wear high heels almost every day.
I wish I could tell her that if you have to work that hard to get a man, it will be even 10 times harder to keep him. To always put your girlfriends first; they are the ones who will stand by you, even when you make mistakes.
I wish I could tell her that she’s beautiful. I wish I could make her pay attention in class more. I wish I could let her know that it’s okay to go ahead and kiss that boy- one little kiss won’t ruin your life.
Knowing her, she would only half listen to me anyway. I guess every generation has to learn their own path.

Friday, September 25, 2009


I like to collect little moments in my life.
Small pieces of time that are beautiful on their own.
There is nothing I would change- it's perfect.
I collect these moments in my memory and they comfort me in troubled times.

Last night I had one of those moments.
I was sitting on the couch in my pajamas.
It was a beautiful night.
My son was playing in the middle of the living room.
He rubbed his eyes and reached his arms up to his dad.
He wanted to be picked up.
My husband grabbed him and started flying him around the room.
A look of wonderment and happiness filled his face.
I watched them playing and smiling.
They were unaware I was their audience.
As I watched them I realized- they love each other.

That moment was...perfect.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Nap Time

It is amazing how being a mom changes you, even in the subtle ways.
I love my personal space. I don’t like anyone to touch me when I am sleeping. I’m not big on cuddling… well sometimes it is nice. My husband will always be pushed off me when it comes time for me to fall asleep.
When my son was born, I was so exhausted one day we both fell asleep while I was holding him on the coach. It was the best nap. My son fit so perfectly in the fold of my arm that it became our morning habit. He would wake me up at 6am so by 9 we were both ready for a nap. We would lay on the coach, I would turn on The History Channel and we would fall asleep for several hours just snuggling. Even now, I occasionally take a little snooze with my son. I couldn’t sleep with him every night like some moms do. I still like having my space, but every now and then, nothing beats a cuddly nap with my son.
Some days when work has me all stressed out, I think about snuggling on the coach and looking down at this little peaceful dreamer.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Beautiful Night

“It’s a beautiful night for falling in love” I said,
And then we laughed because it sounded corny.
But there you were…
More handsome then the day we met,
Walking our dog beside me,
And I am pushing our beautiful son.

We do this every night,
But tonight I am grateful,
Tonight my heart beats strong,
And my hand reaches for yours.

It is a beautiful night,
And I’m falling in love all over again.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Pennsylvania in the Fall

Fall is coming. It is hard to explain Pennsylvania in the fall. It is my favorite time of year. When I lived in Virginia, they had mountains with trees that changed color. The crisp fall air would blow in, but still I missed my Pennsylvania. There is something in the air here during autumn. Everyone is giddy. Like I said, I can’t explain it.

With that first rush of cool wind kisses my cheeks, I am ready to kiss summer goodbye and plunge into autumn head first in love. Maybe it is memories of playing football, or hiking down leaf-covered trails. Maybe it is just pulling out my sweaters and knitting needles. Maybe it is having someone to snuggle under a blanket with. Summer makes me restless, but fall always makes me want to fall in love and settle down.

I met my husband on an evening in the fall. We walked across the Walnut Street Bridge into the city. The lights on the bridge were shining. The air was cold and I wrapped my hand around his arm for warmth. He kept looking up at my city with fascination. I wasn’t looking for a long term relationship. I was 18 and just wanted to have fun.

I think something in the weather told my heart “It’s time to settle down.”

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The day I became a mother

I wish I could remember every moment of the day I became a mother. But like so much of our past, we only remember bits and pieces. We forget the things we want to forget and glorify the parts we do remember. That is probably why I look back at my labor day and smile.

I remember the beginning to vividly. I was so full of happiness and anticipation when we went into the hospital. When they broke my water I laughed because I felt like I was peeing my pants. My mother, my husband and I walked the halls back and forth until the labor became so strong I couldn’t walk anymore.

The rest of my labor is a blur. I focused all my energy internally, oblivious to the fact that I was completely naked most of the time. Oblivious to the funny things I was saying. I was so internally focused on the task at hand that the following hours were a blur of intensity and pain.

Blesson was 9lbs. 14oz. and pushing him out of my body was the hardest thing I ever did. The moment he took his first breath, I remember vividly. I remember the midwife placing him on my chest as he cried and gasped for air. As I held him and spoke to him, he opened his eyes and looked right at me and stopped crying. Everything else that happened in that room faded away. At that very moment, something inside of my changed and I was a mother. As soon as I looked in my sons eyes, I fell in love.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Sunday Mornings

You fill my mornings,
Warm, slow and sweet.
Eyelashes rise, opening,
Awakened by your sunshine kiss.
Your eyes are the morning sky:
Full of colors, clean and new,
Rising to a brand new day.
Fresh breeze on my cheeks,
Sunbeam fingers through my hair.
Your smile warms me,
And pulls me out of my sleep.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Attempting a Blog

Last night my good friend, Brian, suggested I start a blog.
So cautiously, thoughtfully, timidly I submit my first post.
not because I in anyway do everything that my friends suggest,
not because I have some vast amount of information to share with the world,
I am starting a blog to stretch myself and feed my craving for writing and passion.
Which to me are one in the same.

I have always squirreled away my thoughts in spiral notebooks
that not even my husband has read,
because they are my personal thoughts and feelings-
no one elses.
They are mine to share or hide.
Usually I choose to hide them,
to protect myself from ridicule,
To safeguard from feeling insignifcant.

And now I cautiously, thoughtfully, timidly submit this blog,
peeling away layers of my safeguards,
allowing tiny peeks at what lies beneath.