I am usually a very confident woman.
I've never had the habit, as some woman do, of self deprecation.
Maybe it's because I've always been fit.
Even when my tall and lean body filled out into full hips,
I still never minded flaunting what my mamma gave me.
Even after my stomach was decorated with stretch marks.
I still embraced my "motherly" look.
But there is something decidedly unsexy about pregnancy.
My body develops from woman to "baby factory".
All my energy, mental capacity, control over body functions- is sacrificed.
My usually swaying hips awkwardly waddle,
My skin rebels against the increased hormones.
And sex becomes an accomplishment- like pole vaulting.
My husband claims I'm still as sexy as ever,
But it is hard to believe him.
Part of me feels guilty for not embracing the moment.
Many women would love to be in my position and can't.
And I AM amazed that my body can grow organs,
Sustain the life of two people,
Grow and stretch to magnificent proportions.
I am amazed and grateful to my body,
But I still can't say it's sexy.
So I will wait for months like a beached whale,
Until I can be free to jump and spin again.