Thursday, September 10, 2009

The day I became a mother

I wish I could remember every moment of the day I became a mother. But like so much of our past, we only remember bits and pieces. We forget the things we want to forget and glorify the parts we do remember. That is probably why I look back at my labor day and smile.

I remember the beginning to vividly. I was so full of happiness and anticipation when we went into the hospital. When they broke my water I laughed because I felt like I was peeing my pants. My mother, my husband and I walked the halls back and forth until the labor became so strong I couldn’t walk anymore.

The rest of my labor is a blur. I focused all my energy internally, oblivious to the fact that I was completely naked most of the time. Oblivious to the funny things I was saying. I was so internally focused on the task at hand that the following hours were a blur of intensity and pain.

Blesson was 9lbs. 14oz. and pushing him out of my body was the hardest thing I ever did. The moment he took his first breath, I remember vividly. I remember the midwife placing him on my chest as he cried and gasped for air. As I held him and spoke to him, he opened his eyes and looked right at me and stopped crying. Everything else that happened in that room faded away. At that very moment, something inside of my changed and I was a mother. As soon as I looked in my sons eyes, I fell in love.

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